Your Husband Will Fail You

I love being married to Wayne.  He’s a great husband and is intentional in showing how much he cares about me.

He tells me I’m beautiful everyday. (Who wouldn’t want that?)

He supports my ministry and happily takes on the kids when I travel to speak.

He listens (most of the time, anyway) when I’m a drama-mamma.

Wayne is a cup-half-full kind of guy who is rarely in a bad mood… and he adores his family more than any other man I know.

His walk with God continues to grow and I’m amazed at the person he is now,versus who he was when we got married.

But every once in a while, I start believing we aren’t as connected as we should be.

I begin to wonder why he’s not a better husband.  I start listing off things he could do to make me feel more loved and valued. My mind thinks of a million different things I wished he was.

Maybe you can relate?

But you know what I’ve come to understand about those times?

Wayne isn’t the issue… I am. 

When I find myself needing Wayne to be more, better or different… sometimes the problem lies with me.

And the question I ask myself is, “How is my relationship with God right now?”

Because if my relationship with God is distant, I begin to look to my husband to fill the needs only God can fill.

And when Wayne doesn’t meet them… because he can’t…

• I begin to nit-pick. 
• I expose his shortcomings.
• I questions his motives.

He doesn’t have a chance, poor guy.

Sisters, our husbands will never be able to meet all our needs all the time. They aren’t designed to. It’s not their job.

And when we put unrealistic expectations on them to be the “it-man”… we’re setting them up for failure and us up for disappointment.

Maybe you need to give your husband a break and instead take a look at yourself.

Sister… how is your relationship with God?

Are you connecting at a heart level with Him daily?

Are you pressing in when you find yourself struggling?

Are you seeking God’s wisdom and direction in your life?

You’ve heard that song by Plumb called God Shaped Hole?  It’s reminding us that we all have a need built into us that only God can fill.

Food can’t.

Friends can’t.

Alcohol can’t.

Shopping can’t

And neither can our husbands.

The next time you begin to expect your husband to be everything you need (and then some)… check to see how your connection with God is.

It just might surprise you.

©2011 careyscotttalks.com

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Stay With The Pack

We are called to be in “community” with other believers, but sometimes that’s a tall order.  Especially when:

• Your small group fails to support you during a hardship
• Your church fails to respond when you reach out
• Hurtful comments from “Christians” get back to you

I humbly suggest that it’s time to get over it. 

1 Thessalonians 5:10-11 tells us that “He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.  Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.“

A huge benefit of “community” is that we receive encouragement to continue standing and fighting when our lives veer down a path we never intended or desired to walk.

That is God’s design.

But for many of us, what we got instead of that support was rejection, criticism or an “I told ya so.”  Then we… in the name of revenge or self-preservation… used that as our “out” of fellowship.

By doing that, we unknowingly bought into the world’s suggestion to go it alone.  The messages are:

• You can do it!
• It’s all up to you!
• You hold all the power within!

Don’t believe those statements because they are lies from Hell.   Without a doubt, there is power in community but the enemy doesn’t want for you to believe it.

I’ve seen first hand what happens when you walk away from your support system.

Early on in our marriage, Wayne and I struggled to find the way (and the desire) to make it work.  It was ugly.  We were both so broken and hadn’t yet allowed God to get in there and heal us.  Because of that unfinished business with our Creator, our ability to save the marriage seemed too overwhelming.

But God…

He had us in a small group of men and women who loved us through it.  They FOUGHT for us.  Literally fought for us.  The men met with Wayne in hopes of speaking truth into him.  The women prayed over me and counseled me to stand and fight.

Regardless, divorce seemed inevitable.

Wayne will tell you himself that he continued to walk farther and farther away from this Divinely-appointed support.  He was separating himself from the pack because he thought he knew better.  What was painfully obvious to us… completely blinded him.

He played right into Satan’s plan.

You see, one of the reasons we are called into community by God is that it protects us from the enemy.   John 10:10 tells us that Satan comes ONLY to kill and destroy. 

So, when you step out of community and into individuality… you take a step away from God.  And when you take a step away from God… you become a sitting duck.

God snatched Wayne back into His loving hands, restoring him to be 10x more a man than before.  And the men from our small group were there to welcome him home… back into true friendship and fellowship.

Now, Wayne is a community-lovin’ junkie. 

My sweet husband never meets a stranger and people are drawn to him because… he just loves people.  He loves God and loves the community where God has planted him.

He no longer strays from the pack.  He knows the importance of community… both to receive encouragement and to give it.

Look, if you find yourself backing away from Christian community… watch out!  Maybe you are just now seeing it?  Wake up!

Walk Run back to it!

• The pack is not perfect… neither are you.
• The pack has hurt you… God tells us to forgive.
• The pack has rejected you (shame on them)… then find another pack.

Make no mistake… Community is essential and YOU are called to it!

©2010 careyscotttalks.com

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