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Posts Tagged ‘unrealistic expectations’

My husband is a brilliant writer.  If you doubt the truth of that statement, just read the blog he wrote for me last Monday.

Bril-liant.

As a matter of fact, he’s really the writer in the family.

Now, I do thank God for how He’s gifted me with the ability to make sense with words, but in all honesty… Wayne’s writing leaves me in the dust.

Several years ago, he entered a national writing contest with a prologue and three chapters of a Christian fiction book he’d written… and placed third.

At a writer’s conference he attended a short while later, a few key agents and publishing houses told Wayne to let them know when his book was completed… because they wanted to read it.

He serves as a national judge in that same writing competition that awarded him third place.  So each year, they send him entries in the fiction category to judge and score.

Yes… he is that good.

And until two nights ago, it had been six years since he’d written anything new in that book.

Six years.

If you’d asked him why the book had been collecting dust for so long, he’d tell you it was because of a demanding work schedule or a draining commute.

He’d say it was due to a strong sense of family, and he wanted to be a more devoted father and husband.

But if he were honest, he’d admit to being afraid of not being good enough.

He suffered from Perfection Paralysis.

Unless he could do it right the first time, he didn’t want to try it.  The thought of failing or not doing it perfectly kept him from moving forward in his gifting.

Ugh.

I cannot tell you how hard it was to watch this happen… especially for someone who runs onto the battlefield waving a sword screaming, “Towanda!” when something needs to be slayed or conquered.

For years…

I’ve sat by and watched this fear keep him from sharing his gift with the world.

I’ve begged for God to knock him upside the head.

I’ve pleaded with Him to put a burning passion to write inside my husband.

I have attempted to guilt Wayne into opening that book document again.

I have tried every argument and angle to get him to step into his calling.

But nothing worked.

Until two nights ago.

Can you relate?

So often, we find ourselves trapped in the prison of perfectionism because we allow the fear of failure to paralyze us.

We become ineffective.

We lose confidence in our gifting… our abilities.

We forget that God isn’t expecting perfection.

He want us to be prayerful… pliable… and purposeful.

Matthew 5:48 in the Message says, “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity.”

That’s a little in-your-face.

I like it.

Where do you need to grow up and be who God created you to be?

  • Why haven’t you agreed to go where He’s called you yet?
  • When will you share the message God has laid on your heart?
  • How long will you ignore His calling for you to lead?
  • What is keeping you from starting that project?

Sisters… where is the trust in your Heavenly Father?

Listen to me.

God doesn’t call the equipped.  He equips the called.

Perfection paralysis is a nasty tactic of the Enemy.

His goal is to destroy you and the plans God has purposed for your life.  And when you cower in fear of failure… the Enemy wins.

Whatever God is calling you to do, He will give you everything you need to do it.

Will the Enemy throw a wrench in your plans?  Yes.

Will he do all he can to discourage you?  Absolutely.

Will he try to distract or confuse you?  Yep.

Will he attempt to knock your confidence level?  More than likely.

Is it worth the risk? 

Worth the struggle? 

Worth the heat? 

Every time.

If God calls you… He will give you the ability to walk your journey… no matter what.

“There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” (Philippians 1:6 MSG)

My husband is writing again.  He’s found his confidence, and every word he types encourages him to write the next.

It’s been a long journey to get here, but he is trusting that since God has called… He will equip.

You can trust in the same promise.

REALITY CHECK:  What is God calling you to do that has you paralyzed with fear?  What are you going to do about it?

†††

© 2012 careyscotttalks.com

Need ideas on raising Godly kids in today’s world?  You can find some here.

Let’s Connect!  Follow me on Twitter, Book Me to speak at your event, Like my Facebook Ministry Page, Visit me each Wednesday at Moms Together.

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This is week four of The Prison of Perfectionism series.  I hope you’re beginning to believe that the idea of perfection is over-rated and unattainable… because it’s not God’s plan for us.

If you missed the introduction to the series, you can find it here.

The second week’s entry on “I’m Not Good Enough” is here.

Last week’s post, “I’ll Never Be a Good Mom” is here.

Now, let’s jump into week four…

♥♥♥

Do you ever feel like – as a Christ-follower – there are expectations for you to be perfect in all you do and all you say?

Do you feel like people are watching your every move, waiting for you to mess up?

Do others expect you to have all the answers to life’s problems?

Are you expected to have the perfect husband and kids… the strongest marriage… the most compassionate servant’s heart… the wisest advice… endless encouragement… and the biggest tithe?

Yikes!

Who in the world can live up to those unrealistic expectations?

Not me, that’s for sure.

But sometimes I feel I have little wiggle room in that prison of perfectionism.  Just because I write and speak for God doesn’t mean I have life figured out.

Sheesh… not even close.

Honestly, that’s a lot of pressure for me… for us.  And it’s a demonic set-up for failure because those expectations are unattainable.  We simply cannot be those things all the time.

This quote from an unknown author says it best.  It reads:

When I say that “I am a Christian”…

I am not shouting that “I am clean living.”  I’m whispering “I was lost, but now I’m found and forgiven.”

I don’t speak of this with pride. I’m confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

I’m not trying to be strong. I’m professing that I’m weak and need His strength to carry on.

I’m not bragging of success. I’m admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

I’m not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

I’m not holier than thou, I’m just a simple sinner who received God’s good grace, somehow!

AMEN?

Because others know I am a Christ-follower… they watch me.  Others look to see how I handle life’s problems.  They watch how I respond when I get hurt.  I’m under scrutiny with how I act and things I speak.

Sisters… you are, too.

You see, the world watches us try to live out our faith… perfectly.  Sometimes it seems they are just waiting for us to fail.  And when we do, they are quick to point the finger.

They use our mistakes as proof positive that Christianity is for the birds.  That it doesn’t work.

This response is expected from the world… but it gets worse.

As Christians, we tend to hold each other to that same standard of perfection.

There is little tolerance for mess-ups in the body of Christ.  And when someone does fall short, they are hung out to dry.  Often, others smile and nod when one fails.

Even among other Christ-followers, there is an expectation to be perfect and act without reproach.

Why is that? 

Jesus doesn’t expect perfection.  What He does expect is for us to love each other.  And just how can we love others when we’re busy pointing accusing fingers?

Answer:  We can’t.

I think we all need a big dose of GRACE. 

We need to give it… and get it.

We need grace for others when they fail and mess up.

We need grace for others when expectations of perfection aren’t met.

We need grace for ourselves when we miss the mark.

And Jesus is the perfect model for grace.

He loves us no matter what we do… what we say… how badly we’ve messed up… regardless of our flaws… in our weakness… when we are lost… when we make bad choices.

While the world has unrealistic expectations of Christians, God has none.

Rather than being the perfect… He wants us pliable… purposeful… prayerful.

He knows we will never be perfect this side of Heaven.

Maybe we should follow His lead… and cut each other a break.


REALITY CHECK:  There is no such thing as a perfect Christian… only a perfect Christ.

†††

©2012 careyscotttalks.com

How do you raise Godly kids in today’s world?  Find out here.

Let’s Connect!  Follow me on Twitter, Book Me to speak at your event, Like my Facebook Ministry Page, Visit me each Wednesday at Moms Together.

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I love being married to Wayne.  He’s a great husband and is intentional in showing how much he cares about me.

He tells me I’m beautiful everyday. (Who wouldn’t want that?)

He supports my ministry and happily takes on the kids when I travel to speak.

He listens (most of the time, anyway) when I’m a drama-mamma.

Wayne is a cup-half-full kind of guy who is rarely in a bad mood… and he adores his family more than any other man I know.

His walk with God continues to grow and I’m amazed at the person he is now,versus who he was when we got married.

But every once in a while, I start believing we aren’t as connected as we should be.

I begin to wonder why he’s not a better husband.  I start listing off things he could do to make me feel more loved and valued. My mind thinks of a million different things I wished he was.

Maybe you can relate?

But you know what I’ve come to understand about those times?

Wayne isn’t the issue… I am. 

When I find myself needing Wayne to be more, better or different… sometimes the problem lies with me.

And the question I ask myself is, “How is my relationship with God right now?”

Because if my relationship with God is distant, I begin to look to my husband to fill the needs only God can fill.

And when Wayne doesn’t meet them… because he can’t

  • I begin to nit-pick. 
  • I expose his shortcomings.
  • I questions his motives.

He doesn’t have a chance, poor guy.

Sisters, our husbands will never be able to meet all our needs all the time. They aren’t designed to. It’s not their job.

And when we put unrealistic expectations on them to be the “it-man”… we’re setting them up for failure and us up for disappointment.

Maybe you need to give your husband a break and instead take a look at yourself.

Sister… how is your relationship with God?

Are you connecting at a heart level with Him daily?

Are you pressing in when you find yourself struggling?

Are you seeking God’s wisdom and direction in your life?

You’ve heard that song by Plumb called God Shaped Hole?  It’s reminding us that we all have a need built into us that only God can fill.

Food can’t.

Friends can’t.

Alcohol can’t.

Shopping can’t

And neither can our husbands.

The next time you begin to expect your husband to be everything you need (and then some)… check to see how your connection with God is.

It just might surprise you.

©2011 careyscotttalks.com

Let’s Connect!  Follow me on Twitter, Book Me to speak at your event, Like my Facebook Fan Page, Visit me each Wednesday at “Moms Together,” Learn about LeadHer’s mission to equip women to make an impact for Christ.

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Do you ever feel like – as a Christ-follower – there are expectations for you to be perfect in all you do and all you say?

That’s a lot of pressure.  And it’s a demonic set-up for failure.  This quote from an unknown author offers the perfect response.  It reads:

When I say that “I am a Christian,”

  • I am not shouting that “I am clean living.”  I’m whispering “I was lost, but now I’m found and forgiven.”
  • I don’t speak of this with pride. I’m confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
  • I’m not trying to be strong. I’m professing that I’m weak and need His strength to carry on.
  • I’m not bragging of success. I’m admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
  • I’m not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.
  • I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
  • I’m not holier than thou, I’m just a simple sinner who received God’s good grace, somehow!

Because others know I am a Christ-follower, I’m watched.  Others look to see how I handle life’s problems.  They watch how I respond when I get hurt.  I’m under scrutiny with how I act and things I speak.

You are, too.

You see, the world is always watching us try to live out our faith… perfectly.  Sometimes it seems they are just waiting for us to fail.  And when we do, they are quick to point the finger.  They use our mistakes as proof positive that Christianity is for the birds.

This response is expected from the world… but it gets worse.

As Christians, we tend to hold each other to that same standard of perfection.  We have little tolerance for mess-ups in the body of Christ.  And when we do fall short, we are hung out to dry.  Sometimes, others smile and nod when we fail.

Even among other Christ-followers, we are expected to be perfect and act without reproach.

Why is that?  I mean, Jesus certainly didn’t model that expectation for us to follow.  He was well aware of our sin habit and so He fixed that pressure of perfection once and for all by giving His life.

I think we all need a big dose of grace.

  • Grace when others fall.
  • Grace when expectations of perfection aren’t met.
  • Grace for ourselves when we miss the mark.

Thanks to Jesus Christ, we have it.  So now, it’s our responsibility to give it.

Sisters, God isn’t expecting us to perfect.  He’s expecting us to be pliable.

  • He loves us when we are lost.
  • He loves us when we mess up.
  • He loves us when we feel weak.
  • He loves us when we fail.
  • He loves us when we are flawed.
  • He loves us when we hurt.

While the world has great expectations of perfection, God has none.  Of course He loves us too much to leave us where we are.  And because of that, God continues to offer learning opportunities for us to become more Christ-like.

But, He knows we will never be perfect this side of Heaven.

Maybe we should follow His lead… and cut each other a break.

©2011 careyscotttalks.com

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